There is nothing more beautiful than the moment when you hold your child in your arms for the first time. When I held my daughter I felt blessed beyond words. Months later when she was still crying and not letting me hold her close and I was having to put her in her crib to cry her self to sleep because I could not comfort her I felt like a failure as a mother. I talked to the pediatrician who told me not to worry. She had back to back ear infections that later required ear tubes which I thought was why she was so fussy. My husband was active duty Navy at the time and we moved when my daughter was two years old. She had a three word vocabulary and began speech therapy.The speech therapist suggested an occupational therapist because my daughter could not sit still through the speech sessions. The occupational therapist uncovered a sensory integration disorder. Sensory integration disorder is when the nervous system is either under stimulated by sensory input or overstimulated by sensory input. This is very common in autistic children. My daughter got moved around a lot and is high functioning so she did not get diagnosed as on the autistic spectrum until last summer. My daughter  is now 17. All these years of feeling like something was wrong having doctors tell me the behavior she was showing was normal and knowing it was not made me feel crazy. Trust your mom instinct, find the right doctor who will listen. I wish I had because maybe I would have gotten the right diagnoses sooner.